


Where We Are Tour: Niall's Comeback

by Momma_Char_17



Series: Where We Are Tour [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 13:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momma_Char_17/pseuds/Momma_Char_17
Summary: Something was wrong and he couldn't pinpoint it, but Niall didn't feel right about going back on tour with his boys. What is wrong with him? When did the fans make his heart race and his palm sweat? The questions bounced loudly in his head.Following a severe panic attack, Niall tries to process through his newest anxieties. But his band mates-turned-brothers are there to help. No matter how messy things get.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All fictional ideas from my twisted brain. Lots of tears, clingy Niall, big brother Liam all my favorite things!

Things just didn’t feel right, and he couldn’t put his thumb on it. If he was honest, the internal battle that raged between his ears had begun weeks earlier once they began rehearsals for the new tour. But he shoved it down as he packed his bags, said goodbye to his family and got into the van that arrived that evening. 

They arrived to the airport with little fanfare. The details of their flight plans held extremely secretively. The car carrying Niall drove right onto the tarmac of the London Heathrow airport to their awaiting jumbo jet avoiding even entering the airport concourse fray. Like many flights they’d taken before, the label chartered a commercial airplane with a small flight crew. A smiling stewardess greeted him warmly as he climbed the stairs. 

“Welcome, Mr. Horan. May I take that for you and store it?” She indicated his tight grip on the handle of his guitar case. He hadn’t even remembered he held it. 

“Uh. Yeah. ‘hanks.” He felt the blood rushing back to his fingers as he handed off the guitar.

Even with the buzz of the team of his band mates and touring crew surrounding him, his smile and excitement felt forced. His mind kept wandering back to the stupid argument he had with Greg and his dad, the awkward goodbye with his friends even the silliness of missing his own bed. 

And then there was his knee.

Surgery after Christmas was not exactly how he anticipated spending the break, but the doctors had promised him that this time he’d feel the difference and wouldn’t have as much pain. He always chuckled to himself when they used the phrase “as much pain”. As in, he’d still be in pain; his family genetic lottery had assured him of that, but maybe he’d be able to avoid grinding his teeth through the pain after concerts or games of footie with the boys. 

Hopefully the boys would back off a bit. God, he loved them, but at times it was like having four mothers. Heck. They were worse than Maurie. She, at least, knew what his pain tolerance was from the years and would hover from a distance. The boys, however, watched him like a hawk. If he was limping, someone stood at his shoulder to ensure he didn’t stumble. Even to the extreme of carrying him around. 

Surely the surgery would help. Now if he could convince the boys this tour that he wasn’t fragile and didn’t need constant babysitting.

Speaking of babysitters. Harry plopped down. “Niallers, you good?” 

Harry was Niall’s best friend. They had instantly connected during their first few weeks of life in One Direction. Their personalities matched well; both enjoyed a good time and a good laugh. But Harry had a talent of fishing out Niall’s moods.

“Of course.” Niall played it off as he kept mindlessly scrolling through Twitter. So many people expressing their excitement of the tour starting again. People all over the world.

He could feel Harry’s eyes watching him as if they stared into the depths of his soul. Color flushed across his pale cheeks, but Harry also knew Niall enough to not push. His hand just crossed the wide arm rest and rested on Niall’s forearm. “You need something, you find me, yeah?”

 

Niall forced himself to look up from his phone. The look of concern in Harry’s eyes caused a pain in his chest, but he swallowed it down before smiling. “Sure, mate.” He briskly responded.

His long haired buddy didn’t retreat from the seat right away. Instead he just remained next to Niall letting him know that he was there if needed. The two sat in comfortable silence for about an hour before Harry gave Niall’s arm another soft squeeze and went off for a drink with Sandy. 

Though management hoped an overnight flight from London to Bogota, Colombia would mean sleep, Niall had only been able to sleep a few hours off and on. Between his restless legs and the never-ending fray occurring in his mind, even in the lounge beds that allowed him to lay flat didn’t aid him in sleep, so he was often up walking the narrow aisles. As he walked in the soft light of the cabin, he felt eyes following him. Knowing he was never going to be able to escape their concern weighed heavily on his shoulders. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin our descent into Bogota. Flight crew, please prepare for landing.” The warm voice of the pilot broke through the relative quiet and soft lights illuminated his surroundings. 

His eyes burned and he wondered what time it was in Columbia. He blinked at his watch noticing it was almost noon back home in London. He groaned. Jet lag was going to be a bear this time around. 

“Hey mate.” The smooth voice of Zayn surprised him as he plopped down and fastened his seat belt next to Niall. “You look a little rough. Couldn’t sleep?”

At the mention of his lack of sleep, the burning in his eyes increased. He squeezed them tight trying to ease the sensation causing a tear to shed. Quickly he swiped at the side of his face in hopes that Zayn wouldn’t notice. If he did, the darker haired friend didn’t mention them. “Guess I’m just ready to go. Ready for this to start.” He tried blaming his anxiety on the excitement of the upcoming tour.

Zayn smiled his cool smile that made Niall jealous of him when he first met the Bradford boy. He was just too cool to be friends with Niall. “I know what you mean.” Though Zayn wasn’t completely convinced, he didn’t make it any bigger deal than necessary. He wouldn’t push. Zayn didn’t push. Niall never appreciated it more than now.

“What time is it?” Niall asked as he looked out the window into the complete dark sky. The lights of the city below were quickly coming into view. 

“Think I heard Paul say something about 4.” Zayn watched through the window over Niall’s shoulder.

Niall muttered under his breath, “Damn. You know the plans?” 

Plans had been mentioned earlier, but Niall couldn’t remember that long ago. Zayn gave a short laugh. The boys had a horrible habit of just being pushed and pulled and told when and where to show up on tour. “Heading to the hotel. Hoping to avoid the crowds. Apparently someone got our flight information. It’s all over Twitter.” 

“Damn it.” Niall muttered again. He had no clue how people found out information, but he knew it took only seconds for it to be broadcasted all over the internet when it did. 

Zayn’s short laugh this time came with a concerned gaze over to Niall, who usually wasn’t the one to get upset about the fans’ presence. That was his role. Another alarm bell went off in his head.

“Think we’ll get some food?” Niall asked in the silence as his stomach reminded him that it was nearly lunchtime in London. 

A smile pulled at his lips with a glimpse of his old Nialler. “Liam was complaining about the same thing. Hotel will have a meal for us when we get there.”

The city grew brighter and larger as they descended. The plane landed with a thud and taxied across the airport. Once it came to a stop, Paul was standing in the aisle with his backpack ready to go. 

“Alright boys. I’ve been informed we’ve got a crowd. They’re behind a fence and the police have control, but we’re going to move quickly. I have a feeling it might be a bit crazy to the hotel.” Niall stood and shook out his knee. Zayn noticed. Niall just smiled and gave him a nod to reassure him he was fine. 

Grabbing his own backpack from the overhead bin, Niall followed Zayn down the aisle to the front of the plane. The same stewardess smiled holding his guitar case. “Thanks.” He smiled a thousand-watt smile as he took the case back. Instantly, with the guitar case in his hands, a tangible peace coursed through his body.

That was until he hear the electric buzz coming from outside. He hadn’t even made it to the exit, and he could hear the screams of their fans. When he stepped out of the airplane, he was shocked. It was 4:30 in the morning and there were at least five hundred fans pressed against a chain link fence fifty feet from the airplane in hopes of a glance, autograph or picture of the boys. It was quite the sight. 

He had forgotten how loud their fans could be and the decibels of screams this early in the morning and on very little sleep made his head spin. Finding the solid edge of the door, he forced a smile through his tiredness and waved. Harry came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder as they walked down the exterior stairs. The long-haired heartthrob blew kisses and smiled giving them exactly what they wanted causing the gathered crowd to erupt in high shrills. 

“4:30 in the bloody morning and they’re here.” He said with a hint of awe in his voice. No matter how much crazy they’ve seen over the last four years there was always more that surprised them.

As they made it to the solid ground, the screams swelled as did Niall’s anxiety. He spied the unmarked passenger van. That became his mission leaving Harry behind as he spent time acknowledging the fans.

“Let me take that.” Paul said as he pried the guitar case from Niall’s grip. The blonde nearly yelped in distress. His guitar acted as a comfort object like a blanket or stuffed animal to a child. His was just thrown, not aggressively, into the back storage area of the van. “Into the van, please, Niall.” Paul broke the boy’s focus. 

The passenger van was spacious and instantly the air conditioning welcomed them from the humid tropical air. Niall piled into the middle row next to Zayn as Louis and Liam were back row. As Harry finally arrived and slid into the front row of seats, Paul hopped into the front passenger seat next to the driver. Just before the door closed Preston jumped into the van almost out of breath.

His warm smile and laugh filled the van as the doors slammed shut. “You lot were gonna leave me?” He accused.

The rest of their security team was in a similar van that would follow in their caravan to the hotel lead by a police cruiser. Preston’s presence meant they were gearing up for a chaotic arrival and Niall’s inside churned in anticipation. The sheen of sweat emerging from his slight panic was instantly cooled by the blast of air conditioning. He dropped his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. He was so tired. 

He felt fingers carding through his hair. Enjoying the moment, he allowed the loving touch. It brought a soothing ability that he’d hate to admit he needed in that moment. He took a deep breath before looking behind him. Louis gave him a warm smile but didn’t say anything. 

Once the van snaked its way onto the main road, it was surprisingly an easy drive. There were a few people who were following but the streets weren’t packed with fans like Niall was guessing. But then they turned the corner to the hotel. 

“Well it’s what we expected.” Preston said leaning up between the driver and Paul examining the crowd. 

For a city block, at least twenty five deep, fans lined the street. Police stood in front of metal barricades at intervals. At the sight of the vehicles, the screams erupted. Niall groaned but even that was drowned out by the boisterous sounds. 

The van somehow maneuvered the narrowed road and made its way around the hotel’s entrance. They would be dropped off at a side door and make it upstairs to their rooms by the private elevator as was their normal routine. 

“Give us a minute to get settled.” Preston spoke as he opened the door. The screams filled Niall’s ears and his heart thudded heavily in his chest. He exited leaving the door open and Niall felt exposed as they waited. 

He closed his eyes and waited for the command to move. It came soon and Zayn gave his shoulder a shove. “Wake up, kid. We’ve got to go.” 

Everything was timed to a second and Niall seemed to be out of practice. He grabbed his bag from between his legs and climbed haphazardly out of the van behind Harry. Paul led them around the van with their security teams circling them tightly. They heard the screaming even inside the hotel from a distance. 

The elevator doors were opened and the lift awaited them. The five of them plus Preston, Paul and Alberto shoved into the lift. It was too many of them. Niall’s breathing hitched in his chest. He was shoved in the corner which allowed him to feel the solid walls behind him. Thankful for their strength to hold him up because he would probably fall. He gripped tight the handrail. None of the others noticed. Another advantage of being behind everyone. He watched with bated breath as the lights lit up with each floor passing. The lights eventually stopped at the tenth floor and the doors mercilessly opened. 

It opened into the living room of the penthouse suite. The aroma of food wafted in his face as he stepped off the lift. His stomach lurched with hunger pains. 

“There’s a meal here now and then we’ll have breakfast again at 10 AM. I expect you lot to eat and then head down to your rooms and get some shut eye.” Paul talked as he walked. The boys followed. Niall feeling his zombie state coming quickly. 

The food was wonderful. The best and worst part of traveling around the world was experiencing new and local cuisine. This food he could get used to. Lots of rice, not nearly as good as Maura’s potatoes, and fresh fruits. 

Liam’s form dropped onto the couch next to Niall with a plate full of food. “Hi mate.” He greeted with a smile. 

“‘ello.” Niall said between bites of a rice and chicken dish that ignited his taste buds. 

“Feels like I haven’t even spoken to you yet.” Liam noted eating his own food. “Have a good flight?”

Niall chewed and swallowed. “Watched a couple of movies. Didn’t sleep much.” 

“How’d the knee handle it?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “That was a lot of sitting. Didn’t like it much. I got up and walked a bit.” 

Liam nodded in understanding. He had seen Niall a few of the times he’d walked the aisles. He worried about Niall’s recovery. Even to the point that he actually had a call into Niall’s dad, Bobby, before they left for the tour, unbeknownst to Niall, of course. Bobby had reassured Liam that Niall’s surgery, though more intense than they had originally planned on, had gone well and his physiotherapy had been going well. All the doctors had signed off on Niall returning to tour as long as he maintained a healthy regime of physiotherapy with Mark and ice it when it’s sore. 

They ate in comfortable silence. When Niall finished his second round, he couldn’t help but yawn. Liam smiled over his cup. “Looks like someone could use a kip?” 

Niall couldn’t help but feel like a small boy when Liam looked at him with Daddy Direction eyes. He smiled shyly and nodded. Liam stood and offered his hand to Niall. “I’ll head down with you. I could use a shower and maybe a few more hours. Paul!” Liam shouted the tour manager’s name through the large penthouse.

Paul came around the corner looking no worse than normal. Niall never understood how the man function no matter how little sleep he got or the situation. “Niallers and I are going to head down to our rooms.” 

With a nod, he headed back to where the security team sat around the table enjoying the meal. Niall felt a pang of guilt for disturbing their silence. Preston and Basil stood and came to the boys’ side. “Ready now?” Basil asked.

The crews’ rooms were on the floor below. Niall would have loved to take the stairs instead of the lift, but being in the penthouse made that more difficult, so he once again walked into the lift. This time, thankfully, there was room to breath. The floor had private security hired standing guard at the ends to ensure no crazy fan made his or her way onto their floor. Not that hadn’t happened in the past. But even with the hired additional help, one of their personal security members always pulled night duty giving the added feeling of safety for the boys.

Basil walked in front of Niall and led the way to a door which he opened with a swipe of a key. Liam happened to be across the hall. Preston swiped open Liam’s door for him before passing the lad a key. Niall took the key Basil was now offering him. As he walked in, he heard his name being called by Liam.

“Hey Niallers, you need anything, just holler.” He spoke using his Daddy Direction voice. 

Niall smiled and thanked him before reassuring he was just tired. Even Basil stared at him an extra beat examining the boy. “G’night.” He said out of habit as the door shut.

Walking into the room, he gave it a quick once over. It was a traditional suite with a living space separated from the bed with a sliding door. On the wide dresser sat his luggage which had been magically delivered as well as his guitar. An urge to get it out and to just strum a little passed through him, but his eyes burned beyond reason and he knew he needed sleep. Unzipping his suitcase, he grabbed his toiletry bag and headed for the connected en suite. 

With freshly brushed teeth, he splashed some cool water on his face. Grabbing the water bottle from beside the sink, he headed for the oversized and luscious bed. With a dramatic plop he fell into the bed and shifted until he found the sweet spot of the mattress. He loved stretching out in the middle of the bed. 

As he laid in the silence, he started hearing it. He hadn’t noticed it before. Probably because he’d been around people. It was the shouts and screams of the fans. He could hear them. They were impressively loud. 

Groaning, he pulled one of the many pillows from beside him and plunked it over his face. How could the sounds of their loyal fans cause him so much distress? And since when? It was as if they had penetrated his skull because he could still hear them even under the pillow. Where were they? Outside his windows?


	2. Chapter 2

Niall tossed and turned for the few hours before his room phone began ringing from the night stand beside him. He blindly reached over until he finally found it and pulled the receiver to his ear and greeted the other end with a groggy, “Yeah?” 

“Niall. Breakfast in 10.” Paul’s business voice quipped. 

Somehow he managed an affirmative before dropping the receiver back onto its base. His head felt heavy on the pillow when he tried to lift it. He closed his eyes again to give himself five more minutes. 

The slamming of the door woke him before he heard his name. “Niall?” 

“Shit.” Niall groaned as he turned to see Basil’s body filling the door frame. “Sorry.” He mumbled knowing he’d fallen back asleep.

“You need to get upstairs. They’re going over the schedule.” He softly scolded in the way Basil did best. 

Niall’s head pounded between his ear. “Can I get a shower?” 

Basil looked sympathetically at the blonde. He really didn’t have time, but he definitely looked like he could use a shower. “Make it a quick one.” He said from his perch.

Knowing that Basil wasn’t going to leave until he saw Niall’s feet on the ground and moving, Niall bit back a moan and rolled off the bed. As usual after a few hours of inactivity, he felt the familiar soreness and tightness from the tendons in his knee. He tried to kick it without bringing much attention to it. Basil didn’t say a word as he turned and head back out to the hall.

Less than ten minutes later, Niall was back in the lift with Basil heading up to the penthouse. Once again the aromas of delicious food greeted him as the lift doors opened. As he walked into the dining area, the four other boys sat around the long table. 

“Well hey there, sleepy head.” Zayn greeted him with a little extra smug smile as he was the late one usually. 

“Niallers!” Harry greeted him excitedly as usual. 

Louis and Liam both smiled, but Niall could see the concern look they shared between them. Daddy Direction and mother hen. He ignored them both as he headed to the kitchen and checked out the breakfast spread. More rice and fresh fruit but eggs and some kind of pastry piled high on his plate as he returned.

Paul recapped what he had already told the others as he consumed his breakfast. They had a few radio spots this afternoon, an early evening filming for a talk show and finally a run-through of the concert in the ballrooms as the stage was getting set up at the stadium. 

“You’ll get some downtime back here between the radio and TV interviews. Unfortunately, we can’t allow you to go out of the hotel. The police and security are nixing any outings besides what’s on schedule. And please Harry, adhere to it this time. There’s too big of a risk.” Paul glared down Harry who feigned a shocked and hurt expression.

Half an hour later, they were shoved back into the lift tightly. This time Niall had to wait to load and was in the front of the doors. His breakfast swirled in his stomach and a sheen of sweat coated his hands. Breathing through his nose only reminded him that he was shoved in a lift with seven very smelly boys. Though it wasn’t actually a sour mixture of body odor this time, their cologne all mingled together and made the pounding in his head intensify. 

Liam, who stood next to him, seemed to feel his distress and reached down to take his hand. Niall attempted to pull it away feeling self conscious of his sweaty palm, but Liam just held it tighter. When Niall looked over at him, Liam didn’t even make eye contact. Just held his hand like a father would with his frightened son. And Niall accepted it with a released breath. 

When the doors opened, Liam gave Niall’s hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. The boys followed the security out of the same door and made their way to the awaiting vehicles. The daylight allowed them a chance to finally see Bogota for its beauty as they drove through the streets. It truly was a beauty as everyone had promised it would be.

“Shit.” Paul’s harsh word broke through the comfortable silence they were enjoying. He dropped his phone in the lap before rotating to see the boys.

“Alright boys. Apparently there’s no police presence at the radio station and there are massive number of fans. Prepare yourself for a quick exit.” He looked grim.

Niall's breakfast made its presence known again. A taste of bile coated his throat. Sweat trickled down his spine. He lowered his head into his lap and took a deep breath praying his stomach would quiet. “You good?” Louis, sitting beside him, lowered himself next to Niall with a hand rubbing down his back. Sweat now soaking into his black t-shirt. 

Trying to nod and breath and keep his stomach from retching all over the van and calm the shivers that now were coursing through his body. Louis just left his hand resting on his back moving ever so slowly. Niall could see the concerned face in his mind without even looking up. 

Once they arrived at the radio station and saw the masses of people there, the boys reacted without instructions. This was a familiar event. They momentarily stay trapped inside as throngs of people circled the van. Paul pushed his way out of the passenger door and protected the sliding door from any fans. Soon the other security members arrived and were able to push the fans back enough to allow the boys to exit. 

The boys filed out. Liam and Harry first causing the screams to reach deafening decibels. Louis then pushed Niall out of the van. His legs felt like Jello below him and he prayed they’d keep him vertical. Finally out of the van was Louis and Zayn. Both boys latched their hands onto Niall’s shoulders and pushed him safely forward. The security team surrounded them as they moved creating a human wall blocking out the craziness. 

Niall, despite his nerves, felt safe in the protective cocoon of his boys and his security team. They walked at a quick pace, just below a run. Finally Niall felt the reassuring feel from the air condition of the building. They had made it inside which still contained a labyrinth of fans and flashes from photographers, but it gave him breathing room. 

Another dreaded ride on a lift, where Liam positioned himself next to Niall and grabbed his hand, brought them to the top floor. They unloaded and made their way into the radio station. Every time they did an interview in a foreign country, it always had its tricks and quirks. Thankfully most radio DJs spoke English and were able to translate their answers over the radio waves. The interview was being recorded and would play the next morning once it was edited, which Niall was thankful for. Usually they cleaned up the log pauses and their dumb answers. 

Soon enough the interviews were over and they were heading back down. Surely they had gotten the crowd under control and pushed back, Niall hoped. But once he survived another crowded lift ride down, he realized that was not the case. It seemed as if the crowd had swelled. The building’s own security was maintaining the flood of fans from entering the building, but Niall wasn’t sure how they were going to make it outside.

The noise sounded like a pack of wild animals. All indistinguishable noises humming together in loud roars. Niall’s chest constricted dangerously this time at the sight of them. The boys once again surrounded him in the center of their security guards, but as they moved out of the building hands began to penetrate the safety of his nest. Each of the boys were being pulled in different directions with their security guards scurrying trying to move fans away without getting too physical while maintaining a grip on the boys.

Niall felt the hands pulling at his clothes and their hands on his arms even at his legs. He couldn’t see Liam or the others. His breath froze in his chest and he couldn’t catch it. Tears burned at his eyes. His body kept being pushed forward though their grip caused there to be a struggle. Finally he felt his feet leave the ground. 

For a moment, he thought he was falling and he feared he’d be trampled. A small yelp escaped his lips. It took his mind a moment to recognize that an arm circled his waist and he was being carried away from the grabbing hands. It was Alberto saving him from the throng.

Unintentionally, Niall was shoved roughly into the front bench of the van between Preston and Alberto. The door slammed shut and then the banging on the windows started. The fans were banging with such force that the van swayed side to side under their force. Niall’s head went between his knees again. His breaths came in short gasps. Blackness was beginning to cover his eyes.

“Back here.” He heard from above him before he felt himself being lifted from the seat. He wasn’t sure what was happening but he was being passed as if he weighed nothing, which with the hands that were handling him, he really didn’t. Finally he came to a stop on the bench.

It took him a minute for his eyes to refocus and his brain to piece it together. Liam sat next to him. “Liam.” He whimpered as he turned into the broad chest of the older boy.

“I’ve got you.” He gently spoke as he pulled the boy in his arms knowing Niall needed to be held tightly. He squeezed him and Niall crawled into Liam’s lap. Shakes began to wrack through his body and he felt wetness on Liam’s shirt. He was crying and he didn’t even know it. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” He soothed.

The rest of the lads watched with concern. Louis shouted at the driver to get them out of there before the girls took over the van. Harry remained uncharacteristically quiet as he watched Niall with concerned eyes from the row in front of him. Zayn, on the other side of Liam, pushed against the darkened windows just as precaution. 

Finally the van moved slowly forward. Liam continued to sooth Niall whose shakes had slowed and his breathing returned. He whimpered into Liam’s chest, but Liam just shushed him. Once they were finally traveling at a higher speed, Niall pulled away from Liam. He quickly came to the realization that he was curled into Liam’s lap with his feet resting in Zayn’s. 

Embarrassment flushed his cheeks. “Sorry.” He coughed attempting to move back into a more respectable seat. Liam held onto him for a moment longer not wanting to force him if he wasn’t ready, but as Niall continued to adjust himself, he released his arms and Niall dropped into the empty space.

Liam’s arm draped over his shoulder though. “That was downright frightening.” He spoke trying to make sure Niall knew they were all scared.

Niall’s mouth was dry and he wasn’t sure he trusted his voice, so he nodded into Liam’s shoulder. 

Louis cackled from next to Harry, “Bloody lunatics. I’m surprised we were able to get out. Please tell me we cancelled the next interview, Paulie.” He said hopeful.

Paul, his face returning to a normal shade rather than the fuming red it had been earlier, turned to face the hopeful lad. “Not a chance. But we are not getting out of this van unless there is police presence. You can rest assured I will not allow that to happen again. I’m so sorry, Niall.” He looked to the back at the blonde. 

That moment had absolutely terrified him. He was too far forward to go back for Niall once the wall of security team had been broken. He had shouted and screamed as he threw Liam and Zayn, the two closest to him, into the van before going back out in time to see Basil and Preston with Harry and Louis. His heart dropped when he realized Niall wasn’t with them. Then he saw Alberto carrying Niall toward them. Basil and Preston cleared a path and once Niall and Alberto were secured in the van, they slammed the door and were left out to fend off the throng. 

Niall caught Paul’s eyes and gave him a small smile and a nod of the head. Liam’s thumb rubbed his shoulder where his hand rested. “You don’t leave my side. Got it?” He spoke into Niall’s hair. Niall emphatically nodded feeling tears slipping again at the thought of having to go back out into the crowd. 

“I don’t know if I can.” Niall choked out. His throat closing on the words.

Zayn’s hand reached across Liam and landed on Niall’s knee. “No one is going to touch you. I promise. I’ll punch em out. I don’t care.” 

That got a smile out of Niall even as Paul chastised Zayn who just rolled his eyes. Louis and Harry laughed and agreed to go full out Mortal Combat if necessary. The weight in Niall’s chest lightened with each laugh. He eventually pulled himself off of Liam’s chest and wiped at his face. 

“I probably look ridiculous.”

Harry, still worried about his best mate, laughed. “Good thing it’s radio.” His slow speech caused Niall to smile. 

As they arrived at the next radio station, the crowds were still massive, but as Paul promised, police had set a perimeter allowing the van to pull up in front of the building. The roar of the crowd greeted them as the door opened and Niall felt a wave of nausea hit him with the nerves, but he swallowed it back. Harry and Louis exited the van first waiting on Niall. As Niall’s feet hit the ground, he could feel Liam right behind him before he felt him grab his hand and come beside him. Zayn put his hand on Niall’s shoulder as they moved as one again. 

There was no incident getting into the building. Even the building held less fans and photographers inside. “Studio is on the second floor. We’ll take the stairs.” Paul shouted over his shoulder. Niall rejoiced inside. 

The stairs were good for his knee as well. The burst of exercise felt good and he came into this interview in much better spirits than he had thought previously. Once again, it was being recorded so they could edit it as necessary which was a really good idea when Zayn accidentally made a comment about the fans being crazy attacking their van at the last stop. 

Management would want that to be cut from the interview. For certain. 

“Alright, we’ve got four hours back at the hotel. Lunch will be waiting for us in the penthouse.” Paul said once they returned to the van without any incident again. Liam still pulled Niall next to him unwilling to let the Irishman go. 

The drive was quiet as everyone’s adrenaline from the afternoon began to wane. Niall’s head dipped onto Liam’s shoulders and his eyes drooped. The drive across the city back to the hotel would take close to half an hour, so Niall thought he could squeeze a little kip.


	3. Chapter 3

Liam’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Retrieving it, he saw a text from Greg Horan on the screen.

Saw some Twitter news that Niall got attacked. He ok?

Texting with one hand was slow, but eventually Liam got a message response. Yeah. It was ugly but he’s alright. Big crowd. Pushing and pulling.

He wasn’t sure how much he should disclose about the panic attack. Greg and him had a few conversations back in the early days of One Direction when Niall’s attacks showed more frequently when things got overwhelming for Niallers. Claustrophobia had plagued his little brother since he was young. 

He freak?

Liam looked over at Niall sleeping on his shoulder. Yeah pretty rough one. A thought struck him and he typed it out quickly before he lost the nerve. How was he before we left? He seems off.

It took a few minutes before his phone buzzed again. You free? Think we need to talk.

In the van. Call you when we get to the hotel. 

K. Came quickly. 

Liam’s mind wandered in worry. Greg had something he needed to talk about, and that made him worry. The road passed and the city flashed through the van’s window. Niall’s smooth breathing warmed his shoulder. 

“Niallers.” Liam softly spoke pushing back the blonde’s hair. “We’re here.” 

Fans still lined the streets but were only about ten deep. The van pulled to the side entrance and Paul hopped out. Niall slowly blinked and finally sat up. Wiping the corners of his mouth, he smiled. “I’ve missed napping on you, Payno.” He groggly said. 

The security team finally waved them out and the boys started unloading. When Niall’s feet hit the ground behind Harry, his knee buckled and he fell forward knocking into his best mate. Liam’s hands were under him before he completely made it to the ground. “You okay?” He asked concerned.

Niall groaned as quickly tried to stand. His knee had just gotten tight in the car ride, but the way he lost his balance caused a pain to shoot to the knee joint. Fear coursed through him. With Liam lifting him back to a standing position, he tested gingerly putting pressure on his left foot. It hurt, but nothing more than he was used to recently. Nothing like before. 

“I’m good.” He said even though Liam didn’t believe him enough to move his hands from under his armpits. “Li, I’m good. Let me walk.” 

By the time, Paul had returned to the boys wondering what the hold up was. He saw Liam’s concerned face and knew the concern had to be towards Niall. “What happened?” He asked briskly not liking the boys’ exposure.

“My leg fell asleep and I stumbled. It’s all good.” Niall tried to keep his voice strong. 

Paul watched him take a few steps before he nodded accepting Niall’s words. Liam came to walk beside Niall. “Use my shoulder if you need to.” He was really worried.

“Payno, back off.” Niall tried to add a laugh to make it come off jokingly, but it came out with a little more bite than he anticipated. Quickly he mumbled an apology.

Liam put a hand on NIall’s shoulder as they walked. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Because I’m not backing off ever.” He smiled his wicked smile before laughing. Niall couldn’t help but join.

The delay had allowed some of the security team to take the lift already, so it was just the boys and Paul. Liam still remained attached to Niall’s side just in case. Surprisingly Niall didn’t find Liam’s hovering to be annoying. At least after the day he had had.

Lunch was delicious again as Niall ate on the couch once again. This time he had his leg propped on the coffee table with a bag of ice covering his knee. Paul had insisted and Niall had lost the argument when the boys jumped in in favor of Paul’s directions. It really wasn’t a bad idea, but Niall had just resisted for the sake of his pride.

Liam disappeared onto the balcony to make a phone call while everyone finished eating. Thankfully this side of the hotel had a creek running behind it which kept the fans away. He thought about maybe going to the rooftop with the boys later and giving the longing fans a little love, but that would come after he made his phone call.

“Hey.” Greg greeted him once he was connected.

“What time is it in London?” Liam asked curious. They never could remember what time zone they were in much less what time it was at home. 

“Just after six. I’m on the train heading home from Dublin. Had an interview in the city.” Liam sometimes wondered what life would be like to have a regular job where he could go home every night to a wife and child. 

He shook off the wandering thoughts. “So what’s been going on with Niallers?”

Greg huffed. “Well ever since the knee surgery, he’s been a real homebody. Like he wouldn’t go to the pubs with the boys and I just worried about him. There were a couple of times he’d be out and I swear he’d have a panic attack, but wouldn’t say anything. Like once when we all went out to dinner with Maura. He just blanked out in the middle of the restaurant. It was weird.” 

Liam’s gaze turned towards the large window looking into the penthouse. Niall was laughing lightly at Harry who sat next to him on the couch. The laugh wasn’t his normal belly shaking laugh and it didn’t reach his tired eyes. Greg continued to describe Niall during his time home while recovering from the surgery.

“Then when he left to go back to London, we had a row about something stupid. Normally Ni will just let it go after a few days, but he’s held onto this one pretty tightly. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but he wouldn’t return my phone calls or texts. I had to make sure he was still alive through Denise or dad.” 

Niall and Greg hadn’t had the best relationship. Often Niall complained about his brother’s lack of ambition and worried about raising his nephew, but Greg and Niall usually came back to speaking terms before too long. 

Liam didn’t have much to say. He wasn’t going to give Greg details about Niall’s panic attack that day, but told him that Niall had freaked when he had gotten stranded by the flood of fans. “Thanks for the info, Greg.” Liam watch Niall. “I’ll keep you updated on things here if needed.” He added. 

When he entered back into the room, Liam noticed Zayn had disappeared. “Where’d Zee run off to?” He asked as he sat on the opposite side of Harry.

“To Skype his mum and sisters.” Zayn always was a softy for his ladies in his life.

Liam felt guilty that he hadn’t even texted his mum to tell her they arrived safely. He quickly typed out a text. Made it this morning. Sorry. Love you.

Instantly, he got a reply. Saw on Twitter. Niall ok?

Of course his mum would see on Twitter they arrived safely. That woman made him smile. Yea. Scary moment for all of us. He’s good now.

His mum loved all the boys, but just like Liam, she had a soft side for the little Irishman. When there were long stretches of time that the boys were in London and Niall couldn’t get back to Ireland, Karen Payne would often insist Niall come home with Liam. Liam often joked that she loved the blonde more than her own son.

Give him my love. Take care of each other. 

“What’s got you all smiles, Payno?” Louis asked from across the way where he sat on the lone chair.

“Just Karen being Karen.” He flashed his phone to indicate the text. “She’s worrying about Niallers. Asked if he was ok. Not worried about me, of course!” He joked indignantly. 

A light hue of color flushed Niall’s cheeks. “It’s all over Twitter init? That I freaked out and had to be carried like a child?” He spat.

Harry looked at Liam and across to Louis for help. “No one thinks you’re a child.” Liam said. Niall rolled his eyes in protest. “Except for me, my baby NiNi.” Liam teased as he pulled Niall’s head in his hands and kissed the crown of his head.

“Shut it.” Niall responded as he pushed Liam away. There was a twinkle that returned to his eyes however and Liam was relieved.

“How about a trip to the roof? Go give the fans a wave?” Liam suggested. 

With everyone in for it, they got approval from Paul who called the hotel security to give them a heads up in case their presence caused pandemonium below. Wouldn’t be the first time!  
The bright sun warmed them and felt great on their skin as they pushed out from the stairwell. The fans below mingled and their murmurs could be heard. There was just a short moment where the boys were able to look out over the edge of the roof and observe the crowds. That was Niall’s favorite. He loved watching their fans and reading their signs in the relatively quiet. But it doesn’t last long before one fan looks skyward and figures out the boys are there.

Screams erupt. It almost hurts Niall’s ears. Ten stories high isn’t as high as they’ve been before and the fans here, though less in number, were not less in enthusiasm at the sight of the boys. Shouts of “One Di-rec-tion” easily carried upward as the boys waved and blew kisses. Niall even blew a few kisses and returned their signature heart created by two hands. 

Paul came and collected the boys telling them they created enough of a frenzy for now. They still had two and half hours left before they would leave for the taping. Niall yawned, but didn’t want to take a nap afraid he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.

“How about a movie?” He suggested to the boys.

Liam didn’t want to let Niall out of his sight easily agreed. Louis shrugged his shoulders uncommitted. “As long as it’s not Pixar related.” He laughed. 

Harry stuck his tongue out at him. “Nothing wrong with a good Pixar flick.” 

They all ended up in Niall’s room. Liam sat up on the couch on one end and Zayn at the opposite. Niall, who had started off sitting between them, eventually laid down with his head in Liam’s lap and his feet in Zayn’s. Neither of the older boys complained. In fact, Liam’s fingers absently played through Niall’s locks. Harry and Louis were tangled together on the oversized single couch. 

Niall got to pick from the large traveling selection of DVDs. And none of the boys were surprised when he pulled out Anchorman. Zayn groaned and protested, but he remained with the boys through its entirety.

“How come Ni got to pick and he’s the one that’s out cold?” Zayn quipped about half way through. 

Louis laughed as Harry slept on his chest. “Harold couldn’t hack it either.” His fingers tangling into the long brown hair. 

Liam, perfectly content with his position as human pillow, smiled. “Because Nialler gets his way today. That was scary.”

The three older boys tuned out the movie. “I’ve never seen him like that. He was white as a ghost.” Zayn nodded at the sleeping boy. 

“And the way he cried. I wanted to punch someone.” Louis huffed. 

None of the boys did well with a hurting Niall. They all felt the need to protect him and to watch over him even though Harry was the youngest. It had started early on. Liam had guessed it was Niall’s innocence that needed to be protected and then Niall had suffered from a lot of adjustment issues like homesickness and the scrutiny of the media and the harsh words of the public at times. They all just wanted to protect Niall from ever feeling sad or hurt. 

Soon Liam’s phone vibrated. Carefully to not wake Niall, he shifted until he found it where it had fallen between his thigh and the couch. Leaving in twenty. Look fresh. Read a text from Paul.

“We’re leaving in twenty.” Liam told the other two who were barely paying any attention to the movie. Louis fingers were tangled in Harry’s hair and Zayn’s face was sucked into his phone. 

Gently, Liam rubbed his hand over Niall’s arm. “Niallers, you need to wake up. We gotta leave soon.” He softly spoke.

Normally, the boys would have rudely awoken either Harry or Niall, but after today, no one was going to treat Niall roughly. He curled on his side trying to slowly come out of his deep sleep. Liam’s hand running softly through his hair wasn’t helping him wake. He sighed softly at the contact. 

“Come on, sweets.” Liam prodded a little louder. 

On the other couch, Louis was having better luck waking Harry. Eventually, those two were up looking sheepishly at each other. Liam shook his head and swallowed a tacky comment though Zayn yelled it for him as they both walked out the hotel door.

Niall groaned at the raise of voices. “Five more minutes?” He pleaded softly.

Zayn shook his head and reached over to poke Niall in the ribs. “Up and at em, Ni. You’ve got to go and flash that bright smile for all of Columbia.” 

Niall’s pitiful groan sent warning bells off in Liam’s head. Something was not right as normally Niall was the one who thoroughly enjoyed the interviews. Anything to make his fans love him more. 

“Hey, Niallers. What’s bugging you?” His fingers moved from Niall’s blonde hair to rest on his neck where they gently squeezed. He felt the tension tangled within his muscles. 

“Nothing.” Niall grumbled as he pushed up from the couch and away from Liam and his all-knowing eyes. “I’m all good.” He lied.

Zayn and Liam exchanged a critical look. Neither believed him. And Niall’s sudden defensive reaction confirmed something was wrong. 

Liam grabbed gently at Niall’s thin, white wrist. “If something’s wrong, you need to talk to us. We can help.” 

Niall stood and his knee felt sore from its lack of mobility. He tried to hide the grimace, but the look of concern that crossed Liam’s face told him he had failed. “You want to help?” Liam nodded eager to help his little brother. “Back the hell off, Liam.” Niall bit back.

Zayn was shocked by Niall’s response, but Liam’s reaction surprised him more. Liam, the usual reactant one, sat there sullen and nodded. “Ok. If that’s what you want.” 

The raven-haired boy stared at his best mate. Why was Liam agreeing? Obviously Niall wasn’t ok and something was wrong. Liam needed to be Daddy Direction and get to the bottom of this. Only silence remained in the wake of Niall shuffling off with a slight limp, Zayn noted. 

As soon as Niall made it to the bedroom, eventually the bathroom door slide shut softly. Zayn was pretty sure had the door been able to swing instead of a sliding Niall would have slammed it for dramatic purposes.

“What was that?” Zayn harshly whispered even though Niall couldn’t hear them.

Liam blinked back into the present. “I don’t know.” He admitted strained.

“Go in there and make him talk!” Zayn huffed frustrated. “You’re the only one who can make him!” 

Liam shook his head. “I can’t. He doesn’t want to.” 

“When has that ever stopped you before?” Zayn felt exasperated by Liam’s lack of urgency. Niall was in pain and his worry was coming out in frustration. 

“Zayn, he’s dealing with something and I’m not going to make him talk if he’s not willing. Just stay close to him since he doesn’t want me.” There was an underlying edge of pain in his words. 

Niall and Liam had been together since before One Direction had even been a thought in Simon’s mind. They roomed together at the X-Factor Bootcamp week and Zayn can remember them being inseparable then. Once they were put together, Liam and Niall always spent the most time together. Even during breaks, they seemed to not be able to seperate. It wasn’t romantic though their fans had speculated, but it was the deepest sense of brotherly connection possible without the blood relation.

And now, Liam was choosing now to back off? Zayn shook his head in frustration. Not only was Niall in pain, but now the look Liam wore was devastating. He growled lowly. “And I thought having sisters would prepare me for you lot!” He grounded out.

That drew a smile from Liam. “Just stay close. Especially in the lifts.” 

Zayn nodded and released a breath. They both got up from the couch and Liam decided to leave before Niall came back out. He gave Zayn a quick, light punch on the shoulder before telling him he’d see them in the penthouse. 

Zayn pulled his fingers through his long hair. It had gotten a little out of shape and Lou had already fussed at him ready to take her sheers to it before the concert tomorrow night. His thoughts went to the concert. The first one back always had a level of energy unlike any others and this was their first stadium concert. They had talked a lot before about venues and when the management said they’d be doing stadiums, the boys couldn’t imagine it. 

But it was here and tomorrow was the first of many and it’d only get better from here.

“Where’s Liam?” Niall’s voice shook with worry and brought Zayn out of his thoughts. 

Zayn gazed over with a curious stare. Niall’s fingers were in his mouth, a horrible habit he’d had since a small child. It was his tell that he was stressed. “He went to his room to put on a fresh shirt. He’ll meet us upstairs.”

Niall nodded. The taste of rust tingled on his tongue. He continued to gnaw at the tiny piece of skin that hung from around his thumb nail until it met the surrounding skin. Zayn pushed up from the couch. He came to Niall’s side and placed a hand on Niall’s hand at his mouth. 

Gently as possible, Zayn pressed. “Niallers, are you sure there’s nothing we can do?” 

He noticed Niall’s Adam’s apple bounce as he swallowed. “I’m alright. Thanks.” He bristled swallowing the lie. “A new shirt might be a good idea.” He said quickly retreating back into his room. 

Zayn couldn’t help but follow the boy with his eyes. The slight limp had gone, but when Niall removed his shirt, Zayn was surprised at the thinness of Niall’s frame. He must have lost at least fifteen pounds since their last tour. Concern and worry screamed within Zayn’s mind. 

Quickly turning before Niall realized he was staring, Zayn made his way back towards the couch and waited. A few minutes later, Niall emerged wearing a frown and a fresh shirt. “Let’s go.” Zayn attempted to make his voice light and careful. As they made their way to the lift, Zayn casually rested his arm across Niall’s shoulders.

Alberto waited in the hall and lead the way. Niall remained calm and relaxed as they headed to the penthouse. Once they arrived, Niall looked around searching. Zayn knew exactly who he was looking for. Looking like a lost puppy, he wandered over to the couches to wait for the others.


	4. Chapter 4

With every ding of the elevator, Niall looked up hopeful. Louis and Harry arrived next and made a direct line towards the couch. Swallowing a groan, Niall awaited the bombardment of concern from the dynamic duo. 

“How was your kip, little Nialler?” Louis asked as his hand came and rested on Niall’s neck massaging the tense muscles.

“Good. Good.” He blew them off. 

When Liam arrived with Paul, the group gathered and began to head down in order to leave. As they loaded into the lift, it pained Liam to not be near Niall and just watch from his position behind Louis. Zayn had positioned himself next to Niall, but as he moved to touch Niall, the blonde shrank away from the comforting hand. Liam’s gut waved with guilt. 

In the van, Liam made his way to the back followed by Louis. Niall gave a quick wanting glance toward Liam before climbing on the first bench of chairs. Harry noticed the distance Niall was giving himself, but he wasn’t going to allow it and plopped down right next to Niall. Shoving down the urge to bark at Harry to back off, Niall just took a deep breath before reaching for his headphones and drowning out the world around him.

“What’s up with Niallers?” Louis’ harsh whisper sounded loud in Liam’s ear.

He answered with a shrug of the shoulders, but that wasn’t enough for Louis who gave him a pointed look. “I don’t know. He told me to back off, so I’m backing off.” 

Liam attempted to keep his voice level and the hurt he’d been feeling out, but he failed miserably. Louis, however, wasn’t putting up with the bull. “Since when do you back off?” 

“He doesn’t want to talk. I know something is wrong, but if I push too much, he won’t come to me. I’m just doing as he asked.” Liam attempted to justify his reasoning. It’d been what he told himself when he was alone in his room and then taking his time to meet the group. Niall needed his space and when he was ready to talk to Liam, he’d come to him. Until then, the others would keep an eye out for him.

The interview had just been awkward. They were once again shoved onto a large couch, which they all hated. They were asked the same questions, but they were missing the sound of Niall’s happy laughter. He still laughed, but it came out forced. The group decided when their Niall wasn’t right, no one was right.

After grabbing a quick bite to eat, dinner provided by a local restaurant back up in the penthouse, the guys made it down for a quick run through of the set list and met Helene to get in some vocal practice. It seemed everyone could tell something was off with the boys. 

“Boys,” Helene’s motherly concern sounded as they stood around her after finally finishing up with enough practice. She wasn’t sure why they didn’t sound together as much as they have in the past, but she wasn’t going to force it. Her brain would be keeping her up all night, but she didn’t want to keep the boys up later than necessary. “You boys need your rest. I’ll see you at the stadium tomorrow.” She dismissed them.

“Hey Helene, mind if I work on Story of My Life a couple more times?” Liam caught her as everyone began to make their way from the room. 

Hearing Liam’s question, Niall felt tears burning at his eyes. He felt Liam was ignoring him, which he’d asked him to, but now he wanted Liam. He needed Liam. “You coming, mate?” Zayn asked from over his shoulders. 

Sucking back his tears, he nodded to Zayn and made their way to the lifts. They were crowded in again, and Niall felt his chest tighten dangerously. Sweat coated his skin from his forehead, down his neck and his palms. Roughly rubbing them on his jeans, he tried pushing every irrational fear out. But all the sudden, there was a shuddered jolt and the lights flickered overhead.

A scream escaped his lips before his brain even processed. Harry, stuck behind Basil and Preston, roughly shoved forward. The two larger men parted and Harry stood beside Niall wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. 

“We’re good, mate.” He soothed as Niall’s body shook. 

He welcomed Harry’s death grip with a deep breath. “Wh...why is it shaking?” 

Louis, Zayn and the security team looked around them curiously. Harry couldn’t help the soft chuckle that escaped. “Mate, that’s you. The lift is fine. We’re almost there.” 

Niall’s forehead rested on Harry’s shoulder as he tried to control his breaths though they were coming out in short gasps at this point. Harry squeezed tighter. “I got you. Slow down.” He coached.

Finally the lift dinged its arrival on the boy’s floor. Everyone urgently pushed out of the lift pulling Niall to the solid ground of the hotel level. Harry maintained his tight grip on Niall’s shoulders as he directed him towards his room. 

Paul quickly keyed into Niall’s room for him and even followed the pair inside. “Do you need anything?” His voice held of hint of uncommon worry coming from Paul.

Harry wasn’t sure what he needed, if anything. This wasn’t his territory. This was Liam. “Niall, do you want Liam?” He asked hopeful that his best mate would allow the one friend that knew him better than himself to be his comfort. 

But even through the stilling shakes and ragged breathing, Niall couldn’t allow himself the relief of Liam. He decided he needed to suffer through the pain. He deserved it for how he treated Liam earlier. He shook his head. “I’ll...I’ll... be alright.” Though his words offered no evidence of that.

Harry’s eyes met Paul’s pleading for the older man to do something, but he was at a loss. They hadn’t seen Niall this rough in a long while. 

Taking a deep breath. “I’m good, guys.” Niall said shaking free of Harry’s grasp. He noticed Zayn and Louis had been watching from the entry way. He felt a rush of embarrassment. “I’m going to take a shower.” He attempted to sound controlled. “Need some sleep.” 

The churning in each of their guts battled with their willingness to trust the Irishman. They didn’t want to hover too excessively, but did they really trust that he was really fine? They exchanged worried glances with each other. Niall caught them. “Seriously. I’m good. Sleep will be good.” 

Paul was the first to leave after reassuring Niall that Alberto had night time duty and he’d be in the hall if he needed anything. Zayn followed out after offering Niall to crash in his room if he needed company. Niall quickly declined. Even after Niall had given up and went into the bathroom, Harry remained in the room. Louis had to pulled Harry’s hand softly to convince him to leave. 

“I’ve never seen him like this. What happened?” He wondered aloud as Louis held him in the room they were sharing. His heart broke for his best friend and he wanted so badly to take away the obvious pain Niall carried. Louis cuddled closely and held Harry trying to reassure both of them Niall would be fine and they would figure it out.

When Zayn left Niall’s room, he immediately texted Liam. 

Niall, wigged out on the lift. 

Instantly the phone buzzed in his hand. What!? He OK?

Yeah, kicked us out of his room. Said hes showering and going to bed. His fingers typed quickly.

Liam’s chest ached at the unasked question. Finally he took a deep breath and typed it out. If he could ask anyone, it was Zayn. Does he need me?

Yes. Came Zayn’s text, but another one quickly followed. But he said he didn’t want you. Sorry.

Liam’s breath shook as he inhaled. He had finished up with Helene and was walking towards the lift with Preston who had stayed back with him. Damn it. He sent back to Zayn.

It took a lot of self-control for Liam to not go bust into Niall’s room and demand for him to start talking. Instead though, he headed for his own room. His mind rushed with thoughts as his eyes burned with the desire to sleep. He didn’t believe how long the day had been. Between the interviews, the massive attack from the crowd to Niall’s outburst, it could have been a month since his head had hit a pillow.

As he crawled into bed, freshly washed and drained of all energy, the clock read 11:15. Pulling up the clock app on his phone, he discovered it was 4 AM in London and Ireland. He’d text Bobby tomorrow when he woke up. There had to be a piece of the puzzle they were missing. Maybe Niall’s dad would be able to shed some light on the issues.

It may be four in the morning, but that didn’t stop him from sending a quick text to Sophia. They hadn’t talked in a few days, but she understood the demands of getting back into the swing of things. Liam felt bad that he hadn’t texted her at least, but his day had not gone exactly planned. Maybe if she woke to a message, she would forgive him. 

Finally, he put his phone on the nightstand and rolled over to the middle of the large bed finding the perfect spot to snuggle into. Sleep came easily though his last thought was about how to fix Niall before it was too late.

A light flicked on in the front room waking Liam. Confused he rolled over to see the time. Surely it wasn’t time to get up for the day already. It was still pitched black outside. The clock read 2:24. He grumbled a few curse words as he sat up in bed trying to figure out who the hell was in his room. 

The answer came a few moments later. Though lit from behind, Liam knew who that silhouette belonged to. “Niallers?” He asked quietly into the silent room.

The thin figure padded softly across the floor and came to the edge of the bed. “Yeah” was all he said as he sat with his back to Liam, who noticed the jerky movements of the boy’s shoulders. His breath was coming in short gasps. 

“You ok?” Liam asked even knowing the answer.

And sadly, Niall answered honestly. “No.” He breathed.

“Come here.” Liam instructed pulling himself to rest against the headboard. It took Niall a few minutes to finally allow himself to move. He walked along the edge of the bed, running his hand on the mattress guiding him towards Liam in the darkness.

When he was close enough, Liam grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bed with him. Niall resisted the comfort at first, but Liam refused to give up and eventually Niall gave in as he snuggled into Liam’s chest. 

Tears fell. No words were exchanged. Niall cried with a tight grip on Liam’s shirt. Liam’s hand ran a course through Niall’s hair and down the lad’s back. His other hand wrapped around Niall’s waist holding him tightly to Liam’s chest. Liam’s hand touched Niall’s bare skin of his lower back. The touch of skin against skin brought with it an instant calming effect. 

Years earlier, during one of Niall’s worst breakdowns, they learned a valuable lesson. Skin-to-skin contact relieved tension and kept Niall grounded. A hand slipped under Niall’s shirt brought more relief than a hug. Although a tight hug worked in public if necessary. Management had a field day when there’d been pictures of the boys with their hands slipping under the hem of Niall’s shirt in a crowd or some times at a concert in a stressful moment. 

But tonight there was no one there to chastise them or cameras to click. Liam’s thumb rubbed small circles over the sweat-coated skin. He squeezed tightly sending calming vibes into Niall’s shaking body. 

The balance between tightness and gentleness bringing Niall through the flood of emotions. Finally, Liam heard the evenness of Niall’s breathing. He had fallen asleep. Shifting them both lower in the bed, Liam tried to find a comfortable spot seeking sleep again.

It had been some time since Liam had held Niall while he slept. It definitely wasn’t the first. Liam was pretty sure each of the boys had cuddled Nialler, the most cuddliest of the band. There was a part of him that really missed this. Even though the light in the front room and the position of his pinned arm made it difficult to sleep, Liam finally returned to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The morning sun greeted him while the shrill sound of his phone rang from the nightstand. Liam had to roll over the still snoozing Niall to reach it. “Yeah?” He groaned.

“Liam.” Paul’s business voice was too much for his morning. “Breakfast in twenty. Niall still with you?” 

Paul seemed to always know where the boys were. They used to joke that he planted them with tracking devices when they weren’t looking. “Yeah, he’s here.” 

“Good. We’ll see you both in twenty.” 

Groaning, Liam squinted at the bright screen while his eyes adjusted. He had a message from Sophia. Missing you like a fat kid loves cake. Have a great show tonight. Love you.

He was laughing when Niall woke. “What’s so funny?” The blonde asked as he slowly shifted.

“Sophia’s texts this morning.” He read it to Niall. 

The only reaction he got was a simple laugh. Reminding Liam that he missed Niall’s belly hurting laugh. He had twenty minutes and Niall was going to talk.

He twisted himself on the bed, so he could face Niall. “You ready to talk?” He questioned.

Niall dropped his head back onto the pillow pulling another one to hide under. “No.” Barely made it through the cotton.

Liam grabbed the pillow from atop of Niall’s head and pulled it into his lap. “Tough.” 

They were both silent trying to organize their thoughts. Liam finally broke the silence. “Do you want to be here? Like on tour? In the band?” It had been the question that kept popping into his head. Maybe Niall didn’t want to continue with One Direction and the demands of the tour and fans. 

Niall’s head twisted so fast it caused the muscles in his neck to strain. “Yes!” He said emphatically. 

A small piece of the weight in Liam’s chest lightened. “Good. Because you’re not going anywhere.” Maybe it was the old insecurities creeping up again. 

In the early days of One Direction, Niall struggled with being the “cute one” and truly seeing his artistic contribution to the group. The whole band had to convince him multiple times to not listen to the negativity and to trust them. 

“I know.” Niall responded.

“Then what the heck is going on in that brain?” Liam almost shouted but he pulled back his words to be softer. 

Niall rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling feeling suddenly self-conscious. “What if I can’t handle it?” 

“What do you mean ‘can’t handle it’?” Liam asked as he shifted an inch closer to Niall.

“Me knee. I’m not healed. The stage is huge with all those damn ramps and stairs. You think management is trying to kill me or something?” A small smile turned the corners of his lips.

“You can do it. You just have to take it slow until you’re ready. We’ll make sure you can handle it.” His hand automatically drawn to Niall’s arm as it lay across his chest. 

Niall remained quiet thinking for a moment. “Thanks.”

“Is that really all you’ve been worked up about?” Liam pressed on. “How do you feel about yesterday?”

He saw Niall visibly cringe at the memories. “That was awful. I thought I was going to die.” 

Now Liam pulled Niall’s arm and pulled him so his head rested on the pillow in Liam’s lap. His fingers carded through the greasy blonde locks. “Listen to me. We will never let that happen. You trust us, right?” 

Niall’s blue eyes lifted upwards and he smiled. “With my life.” He responded earnestly.

“And Paul and the others?” Niall nodded. 

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about. Just go out and love your fans and bless the world with that angelic voice of yours.” Liam smiled.

Finally a genuine smile reached Niall’s eyes. Liam released a tense breath. “Damn kid, I needed that smile. You’re like the sun for us. Yesterday was so dark and gloomy. I wasn't sure I’d ever see the sun again. Don’t do that to us.” 

Niall felt sheepish. “Sorry. I just got lost in my own mind.” 

“That’s why you’ve got to talk to us. We know how to pull you out of that trap.” Liam flicked him lightly on the temple. 

“Yeah. I know.” Niall said softly. “Liam, I’m sorry for pushing you away.” Liam was about to tell him it was fine, but Niall cut him off. “You’re my big brother and I shouldn’t have gotten so mad. I just didn’t want to open up and I knew you could get me to. Sorry.” 

Liam leaned over and kissed Niall’s forehead. “You’re forgiven little brother. I’m just glad you finally came to me.” 

Niall gave him a shy smile again. “Thanks for letting me.”

“Always. But hey, we’re going to talk to the others and let them know what’s going on. Ok?” Niall knew that was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make it easy. He covered his face with his hands already feeling embarrassment coloring his face.

Liam pulled his hands away. “No. Don’t be embarrassed. They need to know and we’ll come up with something to make sure you’re not overdoing it.” Niall nodded still not happy. 

Noticing the clock, Liam knew they needed to get to breakfast or Paul would fuss at them. “We need to get up to breakfast.”

At the mention of food, Niall’s lack of appetite from the previous days disappeared and he was starving. “Good god, I’m hungry.” He laughed as he sat up. 

Liam took that as a good sign. He climbed out of the bed and headed to the loo. While he was in there, Niall yelled through the door. “Hey Li, can I borrow a pair of joggers? I don’t really want to go to breakfast in my boxers.”

“Of course!” He shouted back as he finished up. When he came out, Niall was pulling on a pair of too large joggers. He grabbed himself a pair and slipped them over his boxers. He tossed Niall a pair of socks to wear as well. “How’d you get in here anyways?” Liam casually asked. 

The boys leaving hotel doors propped open to allow for easy coming and going hadn’t been unheard of, especially in their earlier years together, but usually when they needed in during the night, they knocked. 

Niall sheepishly answered, “Alberto saw me mid-break down and let me in.” 

Liam pulled Niall in close and hugged him. With a kiss to his temple, he whispered. “Glad you came to me. I’m always here for you.” Niall’s head nodded into the broad chest of his best friend and big brother. 

Once upstairs in the penthouse, they noticed they were the first ones there much to Paul’s displeasure as even they were late by ten minutes. Niall ignored the look of concern Paul wore and went to attack the breakfast buffet set up. A non-verbal conversation occurred between Paul and Liam, and Paul’s face instantly relaxed. 

Liam joined him at his side and gave him a quick pat before picking up his own plate and loading it with the amazing smelling food. His stomach grumbled below.

As they sat at the long dining room table, eventually the other three joined them. Zayn being last as usual. Followed by the other security detail. “Morning lads.” Louis greeted happily. 

Niall responded first as Liam’s mouth was full. “Morning!” He said cheerfully.

The genuine sound startled the other three, but they weren’t going to push it. Louis and Zayn both caught Liam’s eye when they walked by the dining room table. Liam just gave them an encouraging smile and nodded communicating things were better.

Once everyone was seated and after Paul gave a short lecture on timeliness, he went over the day’s schedule. They needed to leave for the stadium just after eleven. Everyone was allowing plenty of time for the first concert of the tour. They’d do a full run through with lights and sound and the band ensuring everything was in order. There were would a photo shoot and some behind the scenes footage filmed. They would be able to skip sound check, but there would be a meet-and-greet for a few fans who won a couple of the radio contests. Plus fitting in wardrobe and allowing for any unexpected things coming, today would be an extremely busy day. 

Food eaten and with an hour left at the hotel, Liam looked over at Niall with a pointed look before clearing his throat. “Boys, we need to have a quick talk.” Niall blushed feeling the embarrassment and a familiar feeling of being scolded. 

The other three just nodded eager to hear what had happened between Niall and Liam to bring about an obvious change this morning compared to the Niall they had left. Paul got up from the table leaving them alone, but Niall softly spoke. “Can we not do this here?” 

Liam understood and nodded. “Your room?” Niall nodded.

Moments later, the five of them were once again in Niall’s room tangled on the small couches. Liam pulled Niall down onto his lap before he could seat himself on the couch. Momentarily embarrassed by the childish position, Niall eventually relaxed and allowed the close contact.

Louis smiled as his hand traced circles on Harry’s hand. Niall seemed lighter already and seeing him sitting on Liam’s lap meant a lot had changed in just twelve short hours.

“So what’s up?” Zayn asked from his spot on the same couch as Liam and Niall.

Liam’s hand rested comfortably on Niall’s lower back giving him the support he needed, but the words stuck in Niall’s throat. He looked at Liam, “You tell them please.” He whimpered before lowering his head to Liam’s shoulder.

Liam’s hand went under the hem of Niall’s shirt and his thumb slowly caressed the bare skin. “So Niall has some concerns about his recovery during the show. And of course the crowds were a little much for him. He went too far deep in his dark place, so we need to watch to make sure he’s staying out of that while we’re on tour.”

The boys nodded. “What can we do about the knee?” Harry asked.

“I mean. I’ve been cleared by my docs and everything. I’m just worried about getting tired or it being too much during the show.” Niall said softly embarrassed at seeming weak.

“Well then take breaks. You don’t have to do all the chats you do. Take that time to rest.” Zayn offered.

“And sit when you need to. There’s all those rails and ramps. You need a rest then take it.” Louis instructed. 

Niall’s head bobbed along in agreement. He’d already thought about that. 

Harry spoke up eagerly. “We should have a signal!” 

“A signal?” Niall asked curious.

“Yea like how we communicate with the sound crew but we can have a sign when you need a break, we’ll cover for you. If it’s just to sit or if you need to get off stage for a minute. That way we don’t draw attention to you.” Harry was excited about yet another hidden signal within the band. 

“I like it.” Liam said patting Niall’s leg softly. He’d pulled his out from under Niall’s shirt and Niall missed the warm connection.

“What’s it going to be?” Zayn asked. “Can’t be anything too obvious.”

“What about tug on your ear. You can even do that if you have your guitar in your hand.” Louis offered. 

“Ok.” Niall said practicing tugging on his ear lobe gently. 

“So when you need a break or a quick rest or want us to cover, you just tug on your ear.” Liam reiterated pulling on Niall’s ear. A little too hard jerking Niall’s head but it got a laugh from Niall. A genuine laugh that filled the room and lightened the weight of the boys. 

“And when we want to ask you if you need a break or tell you that you need a break.” Louis started.

“Why do you need a sign for that?” Niall interrupted indignantly. 

“Because the likelihood of you actually taking a break when you need one is less than you not cursing in front of the Queen!” Harry laughed loudly. 

And with that, the sound they had been missing, Niall’s belly-aching laugh, filled the room and they knew he would pull through the darkness. 

“We’ll spin our fingers in a circle. Like a wheel.” He demonstrated. “And you either repeat it back to us or tug your ear.” 

“Ok.” Niall begrudgingly responded. “Thanks guys. For understanding and not giving me hell about it. I know I’ll be fine. I’m just worried.” 

Liam pulled him close and whispered in his ear. “We love you Niall. We’re here for you.” 

Before he knew it, all five of them were tangled in a hug and telling him how much they loved him. And he was covered in kisses and warm fuzzy feelings. He loved his boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've ever seen the video of Niall in Amsterdam when the cell phone is thrown striking Niall's knee, Louis spins his fingers and Niall returns it when their paths cross. This is my mind's little interpretation of that signal.


	6. Epilogue

From the first chord of Midnight Memories to the final bow on stage, Niall had never felt more alive and in the moment. 

His knee had handled all the ramps and stairs without any fuss. The boys still watched him, but no one even felt the need to ask if he needed a break. The energy of the crowd, all 34,000 of their screaming and adoring fans, sustained him from beginning to end. 

So much so, when he came off stage, he felt like he could go another hour. “Let’s go back out and do another song!” He suggested as they were met by the sound crew to take their inner-ear pack. 

Liam laughed with an easy feeling in his chest at Niall’s statement. “Good show, little buddy.” He said as he draped his arm around his shoulders. 

“Hell yea it was!” His energy still buzzing. He felt like he could run a marathon. 

Following a typical show, there were always a few private meet and greets to do. Usually someone who had pull that they needed to shake hands with and smile for pictures. Some days were easier than others, but tonight as Paul asked for volunteers, they rarely all had to go, Niall immediately agreed with enthusiasm. Anything to get the buzz he was currently feeling alive. 

He and Harry followed Paul to meet the few VIPs. “You’ll be meeting the General of the National Police force.” Paul informed them. Niall figured that the guy was important. He didn’t understand until Paul continued to talk.

“He’s the commander of all the police officers, who are basically the national guard here in the country.” Niall and Harry looked at each other in awe.

They met the General and a few others who held high ranks in Columbia government. They all had daughters who they hugged and took pictures with. Eventually Niall found himself in a conversation with the General himself. 

The man’s broken English made it hard to understand, but he put his hand on Niall’s shoulder. “My apologies for the chaos at the radio station.” He looked genuinely concerned and troubled.

Niall blinked; the buzzing fading instantly at the memory of being swarmed. “It’s alright.” He managed to stumble out. The General nodded, held out his hand which Niall took, and returned to his daughters. Feeling dazed, he forced a smile with the last few VIPs he needed to address.

Finally finished, Paul thanked the pair and dismissed them to head back to the dressing room. They needed to change out of their concert clothes in order to have them laundered and ready for the next night. 

“Crazy to know we just shook hands with some of the most powerful men in Columbia.” Harry said as they walked back the long hallway.

“Yeah.” Niall said still feeling the aftershock of the memory. 

Harry noticed the drastic change, “Hey. What happened?” He stopped Niall in his tracks turning him by the shoulders.

Shaking his head, trying to shake off the daze, “Nothing. Sorry.” 

Harry frustrated, called him on. “Bullshit.” 

A laugh came from Niall’s lips and he realized what he was doing. “The General chap, he apologized for the craziness at the radio station yesterday. Got stuck in the memory.” He felt heat of embarrassment flush his cheeks.

Harry quickly took Niall in his arms and squeezed tightly. “You’re safe. We’ll protect you.” 

“I know. Thanks.” Niall returned the hug. “I’m ok now. Thanks.” He pulled away from his best mate with a genuine smile. “Really.” He assured him once he saw the look of concern return. 

“Let’s go get a drink!” Harry announced and they headed back to the others.

Right before they got to the door, Niall put his hand on Harry’s arm. “Hey, could you not mention it to the boys about that memory thing? They’re already on edge about me enough.” 

The guilt churned in Harry’s stomach. They didn’t keep secrets from each other, but the look on Niall’s face made him agree even though his heart didn’t feel right about it.

Once they got back in the room, the rest of the lads had changed and were sitting around with their regular post-concert crowd including the band guys and Lou and others. “So who’d you meet?” Zayn asked handing Niall a cold beer.

Quickly he took a long pull from the bottle before answering. “Powerful government officials.” 

Changed and feeling refreshed, Niall sat on the couch between Liam and Josh trying to keep up with the multiple conversations bouncing around. Liam’s hand came down and rested on his left knee drawing Niall’s attention.

“So can I ask?” Liam asked with a shy smile. He’d resisted his urge to ask Niall about his knee all night. There was a constant worry as he watched Niall run and leap across the stage, but Niall never grimaced or tugged on his ear.

“It’ll cost ya a beer.” Niall laughed. “It hurts like a good physio session, but it’s nothing like before.” He was honest.

“Need some ice?” Liam asked still concerned.

Niall shook his head but put his hand on top of Liam’s. “I’ll take a beer.” He laughed again. When Liam gave him a more pointed look, he answered. “I’ll ice it when we get to the hotel.” He didn’t want to have people watching him ice it and answer their considerate yet annoying concerned questions.

Liam smiled, leaned over and kissed Niall on the temple before pushing off to get him that beer. 

With a new beer in his hand, Niall stood up. ‘Mates, let’s make a toast!” He shouted to quiet the room. 

Liam, standing next to him, waved over the other boys. A small circle formed. With a look around, Niall smiled at all the faces of the people who made this life possible and he felt overwhelmed with emotion. From his band mates, to the prep team, the securities guys and then of course his mates. 

“Here’s to cheating, stealing, fighting and drinking.” Niall began and heard Louis groaned. “Shut up.” Niall looked over at him with a goofy smile. Louis tipped his beer towards him to continue.

“If you cheat,” Niall paused.

Zayn smiled from across the circle and interrupted him, “May you cheat death.”

“If you steal,” Niall continued.

Harry spoke loudly, “Steal the heart of the one you love.” He lovingly looked at Louis with a hint of pink on his cheeks.

“If you fight,” Niall continued.

He felt a hand run over his lower back and rest on his waist. He was pulled into Liam’s side who spoke, “Fight for your brothers.” 

Niall smiled up at Liam before finishing, “And if you drink…” He raised his bottle.

The circle matched his movement and responded together in various voices, levels and laughs. “Drink with me!” 

“Sláinte!” Niall cheered and received various forms back.

He felt his soul lift happily and knew this was the life he was destined to live. He would cherish every moment he’d be given. He may miss moments back home, but he’d been given so many more moments from the road. 

And he was at home here too.


End file.
